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The Ten Minutes Ballad
Following is the poem composed on the TitanCon coach tour. It was written about chairperson Phil Lowles, though also a thank-you to tour planner Doreen/Silverjaine, the courageous Ian Lawther, Jackie, Lis and all the volunteers too.
1. They took us down
To the end of a long and narrow road
That’s as far as it would go
The coach, it would stay
And don’t worry, said Phil,
It’s only ten minutes away
2. We were walkin’, ten minutes,
Along the stony grounds of the ‘wold
The wall, it came between us
And kingdom’s grass, wet and cold
3. And the sun did set, and the sun did rise
And we lifted berries to survive,
From the road-side
The little ones yearned for caffeine
Ten minutes of moors, valleys, rivers
Ten minute miles of mountainside
4. We were getting skeptical
And we feared it was a trap
Phil The Second by the gate said,
“No it’s only ten minutes
I can prove it with this map.”
5. We’d gone too far away from The Wellie
My beard had grown to my belly
6As we climbed our great height
We could see horizon to horizon
And our coach was not in sight.
7. And our fathers and our mothers
Told us tales of a picnic spot
Crippl’d we buried them by cow-piles
Oh, they dreamed of Westeros props
8. Struggles, slouching uphill
Visions – of those past
Telling us to look for dragons
We were good for plaster cast
9. And we reached a ruined abbey
Ten hundred years on
Manuscripts, they spoke of Sat’erday
Ancestral memories, something called
TitanCon
10. Don’t worry, said Phil
I can still save the day
We can go back to the bus
It’s only ten minutes
Away
c. 2013 by Andy Luke, Cat Jones and Stephen de Meulemeester
Thanks all the con goers for sharing the love, and a reminder I’m trying to create something new each day here. Don’t be a stranger!
THE BILL ARE HOSTAGES AT XMAS
(Synopsis not a review, I hate those uh-rr!)
The Bill was on last night. At first thought t’was Eastenders because black couple yelling, “That’s bullshit!” There was a big man like Dara O’ Brien sneaking around The Bill under gun seige but he turned out to be a baddy when captured by Crazy Weasel Cheese Face who shot the kid and got two guns. The Other Bill were watching on camera – Skegness Bowie and Desk Lady Face. They had lots of cameras – it was The Bill with swears. Big budget. SWAT teams. The Other Bill were watching lots of screens from their Xmas Party in a pub.
Meanwhile, Dara O’Brien kneed an officer a punch. Weasel Cheese let him go get more blue towels (Weasel Cheese loved blue towels), but Dara covered them in 3×5 litre vegetable oil and set them on fire. Then I sat down to write this plot synopsis. When I looked up, all the hostages were outside in the smoke. Leather jacketed Dara punched Weasel Cheese against a car. A car! He punched him against a car.
Next: A car is spinning, and a young un has his hands up in the air. A girl is yelling at a cop. She’s like a bad un from Eastenders, but not a Jeremy Kyle bad un; only is some.
End credits: A car driving round. Different streets. Could be a taxi? Car. Driving. A Street. Drives. Pales by comparison with THE FEET.
Don’t cross-reference this, remember it like I do.
Bounce 2013 Festival Review
This weekend I’m at TitanCon. Last weekend, I was deep in Bounce! An event arranged by the Arts and Disability Forum, supporting deaf and disabled artists but not disability arts because that would involve paintings in wheelchairs or a canvas balancing on a crutch or another that looks perfectly fine because it has a hidden disability, but no, this is about art, ART.
The event launched with The Big Bouncy Shared Future Drumming Day! (photo-link), a 14ft in diameter drum in the grounds of city hall playable by 25 people. There was a n ice vibe, which got me thinking of culture, politics, harmony and rock actually. Here’s another photo link. The gallery showing unveiled Karen Forrester’s Madness in Mind photos, which look sort of like if Tori Amos’s album cover photographers made jigsaw puzzles. I’m told they’ll be up in the Royal Avenue venue (opposite Central Library), until September 22nd-Ish.
Stephen Downey and I hosted our third comics workshop for the ADF. There were a few admin messes: the Opera House marked it over 18s (perhaps mixing it up with Ben Jones’ digital film-making workshop) Also our limit was 12, but we took in 15 and that was largely my own fault. I was really blown away by the quality of contributions. We had a 7 year old, someone in the seventies, a blind comixer, my parents! Its effing brilliant. Includes ‘piss on pity’ wheelchair bound people of ambiguous gender kissing and the kisses produce stars which bringing zombies back to life. The collected effort is called ‘Going Places’, it’s about 20 pages, and it’ll hopefully be up here in a week.
The ADF ran a series of “Stories Behind the Picture” to promote the events.
It was the Saturday events winnng it for me, particularly Sonya Kelly and Fishamble Theatre’s The Wheelchair on My Face. The singer Victoria Geelan has a voice that is the stuff giants are made of, and you should definitely look for her stuff now. The soundman Declan were very competent and this probably helped. Nonetheless I have a yearning to stalk Victoria politely. She’s touring when the album comes out in a month or two.
So, good company and sexy culture beer.
Saturday was the bigger event. Bob Collins of the Arts Council opened, like so many people that weekend with something borrowed from Seamus Heany. Bob talked about the principle of access in Heaney’s work and how that related to making disabled artists work accessible to the public through the efforts of the ADF. Caroline Parker was a big draw for many people: apparently she’s something of the legend in the deaf community. I wasn’t knocked out by her one-woman piece on cabaret and undertaking like so many others were though it was was engrossing. The piece flowed well and had elements of sign song which I was keen to find out. I found myself taking note of the Bsl signer as I’m keen to learn and she was great too. It was nice to see the hat stand i painted was on stage.
Walking to the miracle bus that shall appeareth and bounce of nearer monica cornish’s creative writers workshop.
Bounce: caroline parker’s
Catherine Hatt is a singer-songwriter with a dippy hippy trip and dependably brought spinning tunes of twirling the room from blue guitar & good dress, gentle, elaborate, stealth profound. This was followed by Dan Eggs, who I’ve known through the ADF for a few years but I’d not seen in a proper live environment. He wasn’t all funny: this is important. His repertoire has some dark serious observations from life here.Take Eggs’ ride through the fucked up parts. He could well be Belfast’s E of The Eels. Dan works best in an environment without commotion such as the Grand. Choice heckling was welcome as part of a code of conduct and decency. Pat Dam Smyth took the stage next and yelled out depressions lyrics with guitar and keyboard bombasticism. Chris McConnell drummed a big band sound and the two men were twinned perfectly. Julie McNamara MC’d the evening and did a brilliant job. The crowd had the token dickheads. The performers gave 97%, or 110 if you like.
Monica’s writing workshop came on the Sunday afternoon: we had a few problems as the event was overbooked and one of the attendees took advantage of Monica’s giving out complimentary handouts to flyer the participants for his Tinnitus media event . More positively, the workshop produced a shower of fireballs around which different life-shapes fed, supported, grew histories and edutainments. (The session produced Little Green Box)
The evening opened with Kids In Control Adult Ensemble, a theatre company producing a piece called Blue Chevvy. I wasn’t expecting much but was happy to find my friend Linda Fearon teamed with three younger women as part of a gang acting out parts of their lives, with pieces of their relationship with community, their disability. The show was fast paced, it was funny with the best of Norn Irish satire, great dialogue, set backdrops and chalk graffiti surfaces, Nicki’s breathtakingly mentalist dancing. By the end of it, the women had me gushing like a dumb teen at a Boyzone gig. A shirt was signed that evening and the pub was fixed. Bounce! ended with a piece by the renowned Open Arts Community Choir which began in the cafe and led the crowds into the theatre. Some wonderful hosting, beautiful harmonies, superb composition.
So, wins then.
Teaser
You can find out more at a special excerpt reading announcement at the TitanCon Literature Night, tomorrow (Friday) from 7pm. The rest of you may have to wait a little longer.
Little green box
Little green box with a screwed in blade
for running by blunted pencil.
Well, the pencil runs around it,
around and around,
the cylindrical shaft.
I’m really fucked off,
The noise outside
I don’t care
I don’t care
Can you not discipline your child
Without instructing the whole street?
This sharpener will rescue me
I shake lose the broken lead:
It was to be expected,
It was only the top.
It falls onto the floor, I turn again
I’ve got this horse and it’s body is a mosaic
And I suppose the ears are like flowers
Crack
Remove pencil, check
And another piece of lead falls
The bridge over the cylindrical shaft is broke..
Oh, don’t let me down!
I suppose this only costs 19p
I try again and hold it firmer.
Turns the blade, turns the blade
And the lead breaks again.
I take the pencil out
And hold it forward
And twirls around and
Damn!
It hit’s the
bin perfectly.
Compased as part of Monica Cornish’s Creative Writing Workshop at the Bounce! festival 2013.
Spoiler-free within Spoiler-free.
I drew this on May 2nd, right between Journey to the Centre of The Tardis and The Crimson Horror. The genesis is from my own time travel adventure to the Doctor Who’s anniversary in November, and some quiet story details floating around my desk. (Oh yes, and it’s exciting!) Little did I know at the time Matt Smith was leaving the role to be replaced by an older man, nor of John Hurt, Not-Doctor- Doctor-within-The-Doctor, lurking in the mazes and avenues, the labyrinthian stone walls and forests.
Cheese Zombie
Bounce Day 1, and Cheese
So yeah, great night at the Bloggers Meet Up at Farset Labs. Links that I want to follow now but can’t, for the need of rest. It’s own post in time.
Cap’n Chris Ledger and I were on BBC Radio yesterday evening talking about Bounce! arts festival. Apparently I came over quite well, but if you’re a regular you’d probably like to hear Chris speak. About 14 minutes in.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0393g5r/Arts_Extra_29_08_2013/
The workshop Stephen and I are presenting tomorrow is fully booked. I’m letting in three above the limit we’d originally set. Tickets are still available for the rest of Bounce! at £20, still a saving on individual events.
Day 1 was pretty exciting. Great reports coming out of the workshops. ‘Wheelchair in my face’ was a one-woman theatre by Sonya Kelly which ‘framed’ (pun pardon) narrative around her need for glasses as a kid, and involved everything else: church niche weirdness, crap bullies, last rolos. A superbly unifying piece and Sonya has great big eyes. It inspired me as to what could be done by one person prepared to learn their performance. I’d love to have a go at that. (It was also very, very, once more funny)
The second performance was Victoria Geelan, who took the stage and won everyone over. She has the most beautiful singing voice I’ve ever heard in my time on this planet. When she opened her mouth it was like those really pretty scenes at the start of Lynch’s Blue Velvet were everything is just perfect. There was more than a bit of the ethereal Julee Cruise about her too, but I think at heart, the triumphant earthiness of Patti Smith. There were a few foreign language and eclectic numbers and some contemporary stuff. Most people in the audience ascended in love with Victoria tonight, maybe fell a bit too. This is the stuff giants are made of.
She’s been funded by the ADF to record her first album which will be out later this year. It’s called ‘Unfit the Picture’ and there’s an autumn tour following. Please get me any ticket. Meantime, here’s one of her earlier pieces from Upstairs in Sandino’s.
Something small to finish this blog entry on? I found this sketch in my doodle book, May 2nd and just coloured it up.
99: Bounce! Big Drum and Chocky
I’m hard engaged in some stuff today.
Have just come from the Arts and Disability Forum drumming for a shared future event in the grounds of the city hall. It runs until 4pm, then the launch party for Karen Forrester’s Madness In Mind exhibition.
A bit Tori Amos jigsaw puzzle. That runs for 5-7pm.
There’s now a @adfBounce Tweet feed
I’ll not stay the duration as I’m off to Farset Labs for the Belfast Bloggers MeetUp. There’s about twenty bloggers in all confirmed and I’ll probably speak for 5-10 minutes off about something…event development and promotion, or this one-a-day creative working on here.
So, I promised you Chocky.








