(Synopsis not a review, I hate those uh-rr!)

The Bill was on last night. At first thought t’was Eastenders because black couple yelling, “That’s bullshit!” There was a big man like Dara O’ Brien sneaking around The Bill under gun seige but he turned out to be a baddy when captured by Crazy Weasel Cheese Face who shot the kid and got two guns. The Other Bill were watching on camera – Skegness Bowie and Desk Lady Face. They had lots of cameras – it was The Bill with swears. Big budget. SWAT teams. The Other Bill were watching lots of screens from their Xmas Party in a pub.
Meanwhile, Dara O’Brien kneed an officer a punch. Weasel Cheese let him go get more blue towels (Weasel Cheese loved blue towels), but Dara covered them in 3×5 litre vegetable oil and set them on fire. Then I sat down to write this plot synopsis. When I looked up, all the hostages were outside in the smoke. Leather jacketed Dara punched Weasel Cheese against a car. A car! He punched him against a car.

Next: A car is spinning, and a young un has his hands up in the air. A girl is yelling at a cop. She’s like a bad un from Eastenders, but not a Jeremy Kyle bad un; only is some.

End credits: A car driving round. Different streets. Could be a taxi? Car. Driving. A Street. Drives. Pales by comparison with THE FEET.

Don’t cross-reference this, remember it like I do.