The Watch Thief – Chapter 26

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Hotel Fürstenhof, Berlin.
Sunday 14 March, 1920.

The dining room was almost empty: just the French, and the reporters. Daniels greeted Hardinge and Gumble and pulled out a chair.

“I heard Gustav von Kahr’s people took the ministry in Bavaria,” said Hardinge.

“Not that you’d know, dear. There’s no papers getting in or out,” said Gumble. “Bloody Trebitsch,” he added

“My editor’s trying to get a statement from his wife,” said Daniels. “Oh, a cooked breakfast please. Thank you. Yes, there’s something Olympian about this scoundrel. Arguing sentence by sentence! I’ve had plenty of experience with political censorship, and this is by and far the worst.”

“We’ve told Kilmarnock,” said Gumble. “Though what will he do? I’ll tell you: he’ll register a complaint with Kapp and poof! Nothing!”

“There he is,” whispered Hardinge.

Two tables away, Trebitsch pulled a chair out and jumped into it. A waiter sighed.

“What sort of backward children would put Trebitsch Lincoln in as their press secretary?” asked Gumble.

“The Cold meat platter,” said Trebitsch.

“We have none,” said the waiter. “No meat left.”

“Kilmarnock is already furious at the suggestion Lloyd George supports the coup,” said Gumble.

“Oh, he didn’t say that!” exclaimed Hardinge.

She took a deep breath, while Daniels re-arranged the cutlery. A second waiter carried an English fry past Trebitsch and set it down in front of Daniels.

“But he has bacon and eggs!” said Trebitsch.

“I can do them cold for you,” said the waiter.

Hardinge dived her laughs into her napkin and Gumble had to turn his head completely.

Trebitsch scowled. “Do you know who I am?”

“Yes,” said the waiter.

Trebitsch pointed at the Frenchmen. “Those people there have ham, chicken!”

“We keep food aside for members of the Entente missions,” said the waiter.

The French, who he’d mocked the morning before, waved to him, and laughed among themselves. Trebitsch, enraged, whipped his head back round. The waiter was gone. He spied the reporters and went to their table.

“Lady and gentlemen, I’d like to invite you to a press conference.”

“That ham smells great, Mrs. Hardinge,” said Gumble, avoiding Trebitsch’s gaze.

“Oh, it’s very good,” she said, cutting across the side, while Daniels chewed gleefully.

“It’ll be outside the Chancellery at ten,” said Trebitsch.

“Mmmmm! This bacon is just right,” said Daniels.

A troop marches over empty tram lines on Unter den Linden and Bauer can hear flutes. There are people in the streets, but no synchronicity as they pass one another. No shops are open, there are no newspaper sellers. Stephani leans against a lamp-post spitting out tobacco smoke.

“Major. Shouldn’t you be at your post?” asked Bauer

The muscular soldier straightens up and salutes. “Colonel.”


He lowers his cigarette. His skin is reptilian cold and eyes gleam like knife points. “I’ve been at it all morning: moving on strikers; trying to get the power back online…my men still haven’t seen a mark.”

“Stephani, isn’t it? I thought Ehrhardt was getting your wages.”

“We found the Reichswehr man. He refused to even look at the cheque.”

Bauer rolled his eyes and looked away. It is just after noon and everywhere are unhappy faces, disinterested faces, with scarves wrapped tightly and hands kept in pockets. Oblivious, a young boy tosses a rubber ball, and a tantrum is thrown by his parents. A face in a window disappears quickly. Stephani drops his cigarette and stubs it with finality.

“Good lord,” said Bauer. “It makes one almost sympathise with the strikers.”

“What? No. We should shoot the lot of them.” Stephani shook his head and pulled a cigarette tin from his jacket and offered one to Bauer one.

“No. I don’t smoke. Did you hear Kapp’s speech this morning? It was terrible. Trebitsch translated, but couldn’t save it.”

“Trebitsch Lincoln. Who is this man?” asked Stephani.

“He is a Ehrenarier, an honourary Aryan like you.”

“I didn’t ask if he was a Jew, Colonel! Do you trust him?”

Suddenly, Trebitsch appeared beside them with a spasmodic waving of arms, flinches of the face, bearing his teeth. “It’s a mess! It’s a mess! It’s all gone to hell.”

Bauer began to speak.

Trebitsch continued. “I just saw Schiffer walk down Unter den Linden! Kapp’s released him. He’s walking around unguarded!”

“What?” said Stephani.

“I’m sure that’s not the case,” said Bauer.

“Kapp is a disaster. Ebert has escaped and is giving orders from Stuttgart, and Ludendorff… Ludendorff!! He said he would remain in the background, and he’s walking around in full uniform.”

Stephani tightened his face and evil-eyed Trebitsch.

“He said he would remain in the background and he’s walking around in full uniform, giving orders!! Sorry, you know I have the highest respect for him. But this is not his time yet!! WE…WE took Berlin. WE took Germany without firing a shot!!”

“You haven’t heard about Leipzig?” asked Bauer.

Silence. Neither Trebitsch or Stephani knew what he meant.

“The Bolsheviks took up arms. There are fifty dead, a hundred wounded,” said Bauer.

“I knew it!!” said Trebitsch. “I told Kapp not to let the Reds march!!”

“They’re fighting in the Ruhr too,” said Stephani. “I hear you have weight, Lincoln. Any chance I might get paid?”

“WHAT?” Trebitsch’s fingers gripped palms, shoulders arched, head hunched as he tightened into himself, with heels burning off the ground. He let loose an almighty scream. “Can this get any worse?”

Suddenly Unter den Linden was immersed in darkness and thunder. They instinctively ran for cover as it roared low over the city. Then they chased the craft, pistols un-holstered, as it’s cargo fell: leaflets gliding out like a blizzard. Tens of thousands of papers whited out the street. Trebitsch bent down to pick one up. Everywhere soldiers and strikers did the same.

A Call To A National Strike! By Decree of President Ebert, supported by the National Union of Workers.’

Trebitsch’s hands shook as he held it, and he growled.


Trebitsch saw the bus over the horizon, and walked back a few paces to wait for it at the stop. It would take him the rest of the way to his office. Absent was the breeze that always blew on Unter den Linden. It was due to arrive and so he stepped out to the roadside. The bus didn’t move. He wondered if the engine had stalled, and walked towards it. As he drew closer, it remained still. He drew his pistol. A minute later Trebitsch peered into the empty cab.

Wilhelmstrasse was neatly organised geometric shapes, hundreds of square windows in white brick. He reached Wilhelmplatz Press Office, out of breath. There was not a soul. It was cold and dark, too dark to sit at his desk so after a minute he retired.

Outside, he waved to Captain Ehrhardt. Unmistakeable, with his managed goatee strip that ran like a long black tongue to his sharp chin.

“Ehrhardt! This is a joke! The offices are completely empty and without power. It is useless!”

“Some of the new order meet in the Chancellery, though many have relocated to the Adlon.”

Trebitsch clapped his hands. “I shall go there. I am keen to put some hot food in my belly.”

“The Adlon will be of no use,” said Ehrhardt.

“The finest hotel in Europe cannot get me a meal?” asked Trebitsch.

“No trains are running to bring in food.”

“A word then with our friend, Mr. Stinnes.”

“Bauer’s already seen him. Stinnes can’t help. Most of his staff didn’t turn up,” said Ehrhardt.

“But he’s one of the richest men in Germany!!!” Trebitsch sighed, and after a moment asked, “Who is in the Chancellery building?”

“Kapp… Luttwitz. Ludendorff. They’re in negotiations with Schiffer.”


The captain was not pleased either. “He’s representing Ebert.”

“WHY MUST WE NEGOTIATE? We’re the government. Not Schiffer or Ebert!! This is a disgrace!!”

“I agree.”

“Luttwitz has got complacent and Kapp is just incompetent. Captain Ehrhardt, if you wish Germany to get through this Red paralysis, you need a real man who will get things done. You need Bauer in that meeting! He will get the gas on and the water flowing. Make that clear to Chancellor Kapp whatever it takes.”

Ehrhardt nodded swiftly, then gestured Trebitsch to follow. He left him behind in a lightning march, to the soldier at the Chancellery door.

“You there. Tell the Chancellor that Captain Ehrhardt must speak to him at once.”

They walked through the open door to the foyer watching the guard depart. Floor tiles, wall tiles, the columns and ceiling, all were squared, except the crystal chandelier and sprouting palm tree. They sat on the wicker chairs at the edge and waited.

“I’m glad you share my opinion,” said Ehrhardt.

“What is taking him?” asked Trebitsch.

The soldier returned with a salute. “I relayed your message. His Excellency is in a meeting and does not wish to be disturbed.”

If looks were actions, Ehrhardt might have stripped the flesh off the soldier. “Tell Kapp if he doesn’t come out, I’ll come in and fetch him.”

“Yes, sir, right away, sir.”

Ten minutes later, Chancellor Kapp wobbled into the hall. He was overweight and perspiring, cleaning his brow with a rag from his pocket. His face arched over his spectacles and he had the looks of a startled shopkeeper. “What is it? What is wrong?” he asked.

“What is wrong you say?” said Ehrhardt. “The trains are not moving. Every shop is shut. The police are about ready to come off the fence. Look at me when I’m talking to you! God knows how long you have the Reichswehr for. You’re dawdling and what’s more, Noske and Ebert could be in chains and you’re, you swine, negotiating with his representative?”

Kapp was shaken. “We must establish connections if we wish to–“

“Establish connections?” asked Trebitsch. “With a government you have stigmatised as sunk in corruption?”

“I did not bring my men from Doberitz to put nincompoops in charge!”

“Bring Bauer into the government. There are things that need done,” said Trebitsch.

“You heard the minister,” said Ehrhardt.

“Yes, yes, of course. I will find a post for him by all means if you consider he can do the work”

Ehrhardt said, “There is no shortage of work, is there Kapp? End this strike. I have much to do. Good day.”

He and Trebitsch left.


In the corner of the Adlon, were Pabst and Trebitsch sat, Neo-Baroque carvings of faces looked down. Plaster rosettes and pattern paper layered the walls, and roped curtains. Commander Pabst’s whole demeanour was casual. He appeared to sink into the deep upholstery if not for the boot rested on his knee. His hair was black and deep and his eyes were like uncharted waters. The chief features of his face were joined by the contorted angles of his twisted smile. He spread his arms in the air.

“Kapp is not the right man, but so what? We stood up to those Versailles bastards. The whole country is out on strike: but they are angry at the betrayal of Ebert and the November 18th criminals. In that sense we are united.”

Trebitsch put his hand over his lip and considered the idea, which made him sad. “When will socialists and conservatives work together?” he asked.

Reinhold Wulle and Kuno von Westarp appeared behind them. Trebitsch arched his head back and flashed a smile at his editors.

“Trebitsch,” said Wulle. “We would like a word if you have time?”

“Mr. Wulle, Mr. Westarp, I always have time. However I cannot tell you when the ban on the press will end.”

Oh come. The government surely needs a loyal press,” said Westarp.

I am doing the best I can. Who knows when though?”

It’s not like we’re going to present the siege of Leipzig in any unfavourable light,” said Wulle.

Or put the march on Dortmund on the front page,” said Westarp.

Dortmund? What’s happening in Dortmund?” asked Pabst.

The Red Army have fifty thousand men on their way,” said Westarp.

How did we not hear about it?” asked Pabst.

Because all the power’s out!” cried Trebitsch. “No phones, no telegraph! Every military transmission has been hand couriered for forty-eight hours!!”

It was the British who told us,” said Westarp.

Then Ludendorff was there and the editors instinctively stepped aside to let the towering General through before he even said, “Gentlemen. I need a word with these men.”

Absolutely, General,” said Wulle.

Westarp saluted them. Pabst gestured to Ludendorff to join them on the seats. He didn’t. His legs were astride as if anchored to the world and if he should move it might move with him. When the editors were out of earshot, he spoke. “I’ve just come from the Chancellery. Schiffer had a deal on the table. He wanted Kapp and Ludendorff to resign.”

Why is he offering deals?” asked Trebitsch.

We don’t need him!” said Pabst, and added, “Of course, Kapp can resign, no harm done.” He nudged Trebitsch; both men laughed.

We are taking deals,” said Ludendorff, gruffly, “because we have lost the security police – nine thousand men, seventy five percent of our forces! Now. I’ve come to inform you Kapp has taken the offer and is packing for Sweden at this very moment.”

The deal?” asked Pabst. He was now deadly serious; both of them, thrust into an unfamiliar situation.

Schiffer wants resignations rather than forceful removals. Marinebrigade Ehrhardt would withdraw to Doberitz and Ebert’s government would return. The strike would end and a full amnesty given.”

Trebitsch was enraged. “We’re not taking it surely?”

Pabst protested. “The army will still have to disband. The French will still ruin our economy!”

If Luttwitz resigns, Schiffer promised his replacement will be our General Seeckt. Seeckt is willing.”

We do not want this,” warned Trebitsch. “We have done the unthinkable and we need to stand firm!”

We have much to discuss,” said Ludendorff, gruffly. “Tomorrow morning, the Chancellery,” He nodded his head, and departed.

It’s true then,” said Pabst. “He doesn’t do small talk, does he?”


Oil paintings of the masters hung on brown board, illuminated by mounted candles. Waistcoat rebels and pressed officers looked at Luttwitz, faltering. The bronze German eagle was perched at table’s end, the flag behind like wings. Over the table smoke hung in the air, cigarettes burning long at the end for no man moved. Not even Trebitsch.

I started this…” said Luttwitz.

He held a long finger to his lip. The cold reminded Luttwittz he was already more civil servant than senior officer. He side eyed the figures around the table from under the shadow of his cap. The bag under his eyes took over all his frame.


Ludendorff rested his hand in front of his chin and stroked the underside with his thumb.

…must keep calm…” said Luttwitz.

Ludendorff’s face had frozen over. He stared at Trebitsch, a ball of suppressed energy scrutinising the predicament.

Which company mutinied?” asked Pabst.

Bauer is looking into it,” said Ludendorff. “General?”

I can’t…” said Luttwitz. “I won’t.”

Suddenly he was decisive, flicked like a switch and looked right at Ludendorff. “You said I should continue.”

For God’s sake,” said Trebitsch. “There is violence in the Saxony, the Ruhr…”

Luttwitz took his hat off and set it on the table. His fingers brushed away the centre parting on his old white hair.

Nothing is coming in or out,” said Ehrhardt. “What did Seeckt say?”

Luttwitz replied. “If we all just lay low, for a few months…”

Suddenly both doors opened and Bauer entered. All heads turned He took the seat opposite Ludendorff. They stared at one another, neither speaking.

Luttwitz tried to catch Ludendorff’s eye. “General, if you are with us –”

Ludendorff took his eyes off Bauer and put his hand in his pocket. He pulled out keys.

Trebitsch, fetch my things from the Adlon.”

Luttwitz slammed his fist down on the table.

What’s going on?” asked Pabst.

How bad is it, Colonel?” asked Trebitsch.

All is lost. Of the commanding officers, only six remain loyal to us,” said Bauer.

Ludendorff’s head sunk, for the longest time.

Trebitsch stood and took the keys from the table.

Pabst’s head was in his hands.

Bauer, we are the richer for a bitter experience,” said Ludendorff.

Dietrich Eckart had flown from Munich into Berlin on Tuesday. The playwright, and his passenger, had hoped for a great revolution. Seeing the capital brought to a stand-still left them cold. Trebitsch cut across them in the foyer of the Adlon, and bounded up the curling stairs.

Eckart’s friend knew Trebitsch, from somewhere.

You’re one of the leaders?” he called out. “Where’s Ludendorff?”

Trebitsch momentarily startled, turned. “Disappeared!”

And Kapp?” the man called out.

Fled to Stockholm. They are not to be found. It is all over! Spectacles and beards for all!!” Trebitsch carried on springing up to the landing.

That man is a stinking Jew,” said Eckart. He put his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Come on Adolf, we have no further business here.”

Corporal Adolf Hitler shook his head. He and Eckart turned, and walked back outside.


c. Andy Luke.
Image source: The Kapp Putsch on Wikiwand. Plundered soldiers with banner “Stop! Anyone who goes on is shot dead”,  on Wilhelmplatz in front of the sealed-off government district
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The Watch Thief – Chapter 25


13 March, 1920. 6:15 a.m.

President Ebert, Defence Minister Noske, Foreign Minister Muller and most of Germany’s cabinet ran; feet echoing across empty Wilhelmstrasse. Trebitsch passed by at the other end of the road and heard their motor cars spark like thunder in the dawn air. It had begun.

Pabst was met at Brandenburg Gate, the Athenian Propylaea. Sunrise beams starred off its columns, lighting the path to troops in the distance; catching nearer balconied windows of the Reichstag.

Trebitsch sang. “Good morning, sir. Oh what a beautiful morning, what a way to start the day!”

Pabst had been awake for some hours. “Yes it is. Do you see them? They set out from Doberitz at ten. However, listen. Late last night…oh, hello, Bauer.”

Bauer raised himself as if to the size of a column.

“Late last night,” said Pabst, “Ebert ordered General Seeckt to open fire on any armed force: be they Marinebrigade Ehrhardt, Freikorps or Reichswehr.”

They looked to the road where five minutes away thousands of soldiers marched.

“And Seeckt told him to go fuck himself,” said Ludendorff.

Atop broad shoulders, a rare smile flashed across the Old Sinner’s face. Chief von Jagow had arrived with him. They grinned back at Ludendorff, and then looked ahead.

Pabst continued. “The officer corps will not be wiped out by turning against one another.”

“Marinebrigade Ehrhardt!” It was Luttwitz, his wrinkles lit up as if renewed by primordial heat. His golem ears were practically luminescent. “That’s an incredible sight”

The army band played and they sang and Trebitsch caught himself mouthing along: Heil dir im Siegerkranz, Herrscher des Vaterlands! Heil, Kaiser, dir! They walked in double file and by now the horizon was a mass of jeeps and horses and six thousand men in military dress, helmets with swastikas.

“Where’s Kapp?” asked Bauer. “He’s not slept in?”

They were still chuckling at that when Kapp came running up from behind. He had a shirt tail out of place and a scrap of paper in his hand. “I had to borrow my wife’s typewriter for the proclamation.”

“About time!” said Trebitsch, and took the carbon copy from his hand.

The army were upon them then. Captain Ehrhardt stepped forward, and saluted them. Kapp read the proclamation and they cheered.

“Position men to secure the Reichstag!” shouted Luttwitz. “The rest of us will proceed to the Chancellery.”

Kapp nodded. Trebitsch looked at the six thousand soldiers and turned laughing as he led them through the arch, swinging the proclamation in the breeze.

Kapp caught up to him. “I’ll need you to deliver that to the presses,” he said.

“Yes, I know what to do. Give me both copies. I will guard them.”

They crossed Pariser Platz and marched toward Hotel Adlon. Bauer and Pabst were laughing too, moreso when Trebitsch pointed out the French delegation on a balcony in their pyjamas.

“Colonel, I have a matter to attend to. I shall meet you on Wilhelmstrasse,” said Trebitsch

Bauer nodded, and Trebitsch fell out. Residents crowded at the Adlon’s entrance but split to form a path for him. One or two clapped. Most were frightened. He bounced up the curving stairs and skipped along the hall until he got to Karl Weigand’s room whereupon he rapped the door three times. Weigand was in his robe and his thin hair stuck out sharply. Trebitsch thrust the proclamation into his hand.

“Mr. Weigand, you will want to get outside. You have a story you can sell to Mr. Hearst, presuming no one can bid higher!”

Bauer exited the Wilhelmstrasse Chancellery, and saw Trebitsch walking his way. His news burst out of him like a bull exploding methane. “Ebert and most of the cabinet have fled to Stuttgart!”

“I’m not surprised,” said Trebitsch, and flapped the newspaper he’d taken from the Adlon. “Reporters heard about the march last night. We’re on every front page already!”

“Well,” Bauer said, “Kapp and Luttwitz are in there. They’ll probably be in there all day, phoning every barracks from Hamburg to Dresden.”

“Keep in line, traitor!” shouted Pabst. He and Ehrhardt were marching officials from the building.

Bauer explained, “Vice-Chancellor Schiffer and some of the others refused to leave. They’ll be taken to the jail. He told us Ebert plans to mobilise the unions for a General strike.”

Trebitsch laughed. “And what? Stop the whole country in it’s tracks? Germany has never been stopped by a strike! Do you know what we should do, Max?”

“What, Trebitsch?” he asked.

“It’s nearly half seven and we can’t rule on an empty stomach!”

Seven minutes away, crispbread and toast permeated the Excelsior’s dining room. Waiters brought out steaming filter coffee and poured tea while diners unfolded napkins and snacked on fruit and cereal. They dabbed their lips and between bites talked of family and business as waitresses gracefully curled round one another, carrying plates with poached eggs or kippers and fresh bread. There was the slamming of wooden frames out in the hall and the blue curtain was swung aside. Flanked by Bauer and Chief von Jagow, Trebitsch entered waving a revolver. A woman screamed.

“Power is in our hands!” he announced.

It was a full breakfast and served promptly.

After, they found a printers. Von Jagow threatened to shoot the man if the proclamation wasn’t his immediate priority. Soon after they found Captain Ehrhardt. He was about to go to the telegraph office, Haupttelegrafenamt, and asked Trebitsch to join him.

Ehrhardt drove across Berlin in a shining black Ford and they greeted the soldiers who lined every roads, setting up barbed wire and other barricades. Every so often they would stop to hand the proclamations to the officers.

“My men were promised special wages today but the Reichsbank are being difficult,” said Ehrhardt.

“If they refuse, seize the bank,” said Trebitsch. “They would pay up with a gun to their heads.”

“True. Listen, Kapp asked me to request that you serve as our Minister for Press and Propaganda.”

“It would be an honour, an honour!”

Trebitsch excitedly stood up, raised his arms and shouted. “People of Berlin, order is restored!”

A half hour later they arrived at Oranienburger Strasse. Captain Lieutenant Lensch, a wireless expert, was enlisted to help bring the new government nationwide reports. Realising Lensch and Ehrhardt would be a while and he could do little meantime, Trebitsch demanded keys for a jeep.

He crossed the River Spree twice, saluting at men along the way, driving whatever twists and turns he liked before finding his way back to Wilhelmstrasse. The Press Office was in the Ordenspalais, next door to the Chancellery and the jeep bumped hard upon the kerb.

He claimed a double office with a varnished oak desk, typewriter, telephone, antique grandfather clock and filing cabinets. A call was put through to Kapp telling him the Ministerial role was filled and a call was made to Ehrhardt requesting the use of Lensch when he was done. Every so often a civil servant would enter, confused by Trebitsch’s appearance there.

“Never you mind who was here before!” he yelled. “I’m in charge now and I mean to handle the flow of information. Any journalist wishing to correspond with their paper must go through me. Particularly the British! Now do you understand??”

Several hours later, Lensch arrived amid chaos. It was a Saturday, and therefore most clerks were soldiers ill-suited to managing bureaucratic dilemmas. He recognised the actual civil servants as those most frightened. Lensch called for help but his words were lost to ringing phones, panicked voices grappling with the changing circumstances.

“Yes, Mr. Westarp. We are aware of your paper’s support. I’ll pass your complaint along.”

“I’m looking for Trebitsch Lincoln,” said Lensch.

“No, Mr. Wulle,” said another operator. “Arrangements have been made to have all newspaper buildings occupied.” He looked to Lensch, and thumbed toward the back.

Lensch made his way through the crowd. The stocky Hungarian stood aside a desk, talking down the telephone with a mouth of menacing glee.

“Hello, Mr. Reventlow. Oh, von Jagow is with you now? That’s right. Yes, your poxy rag will not be printed this week. Perhaps not ever. Look for a new line of work, Mr. Reventlow.” Trebitsch gave a boisterous laugh and hung up.

“Mr. Lincoln?”

“Ah! Captain!”

“Chancellor Kapp ordered me to work directly under you. I’ll tell you what I told Kapp. I will serve but as an official of the wireless office I am not the right man for the job.”

Trebitsch looked him up and down. Ironed shirt and jacket: he prized discipline. Spectacles: a studious approach. Forty years: some experience, about the same age as himself. “I asked for you specifically, Lensch, so I completely disagree. Walk with me.”

Trebitsch led him onwards, through the many soldiers still shocked at Kapp’s choice of Press Minister. “The police, as you know, have forbidden the papers to appear, presumably to stop provocation. Von Jagow has made a mistake of course. In the meantime there is one respect in which our job is easier.” Trebitsch opened the door into his office, and kept walking toward the door on the other side. “We shall concentrate on dealing with the foreign press! Now, you will occupy this room or this roo – huh!”

The handle would not turn. “Who has the key to this door?” he shouted. “Achtung! Who has the key?”

A soldier was quick there. “That’s Councillor Elksop’s office.”

“And where is he?” asked Trebitsch. “Open it!”

“I don’t have the key,” said the soldier.

“Then kick it in! Shoot the lock! Your government is giving you an order!”

At 2pm, Trebitsch stepped out for a cigarette and bumped into General Luttwitz.

“War Minister Luttwitz, how are things progressing?”

“Little resistance across the North and East. Some trouble in Thuringia. Ebert arrived in Dresden, but General Maercker is loyal to us. A warrant is out for their arrest.”

Trebitsch rubbed his hands together as if witnessing the re-invention of fire. Luttwitz cautioned him. Strikes were breaking out and even in safe areas like Leipzig and Saxony, the unions were supported by weaponry. He was particularly worried by the Ruhr district, were a Red Army had begun to mobilise in great number. Trebitsch said he would see to that, and they parted.

He was feeling heavy and intended to go to the bathroom, but was distracted by shouting coming from his office.

“Who opened the door or had it opened? I must protest strongly!”

Then Lensch’s voice, firm and cutting. “You will speak in a more moderate tone.”

Trebitsch opened the door to their rooms and found Councillor Elksop on the offensive.

“I cannot find another tone for people who break open other people’s doors!”

“I had the door opened,” said Trebitsch. “What is more, quite a lot of other things are going to be happening to you.”

Elksop stepped close to Trebitsch’s face. “By what right do you address me in this manner?”

“Chancellor Kapp and General Luttwitz have entrusted me with responsibility for foreign propaganda,” he said, not flinching.

Elksop took a casual step back. “Really? Aren’t you a foreigner? I hardly believe German official functions would be assigned to a foreigner.”

“Ho ho! That is where you are wrong!” Trebitsch clapped his hands twice. “Until now foreign propaganda has been conducted on false principles. I will demonstrate how it is to be done properly. Guard, get this man out of there!”

Tact is not among the qualities of the new German government. The truth about the latest coup d’etat in Germany begins and ends with what they have to say about it. Communications offices in Berlin have rebelled against the restrictions, hoping the rule of a clique of soldiers and officers will soon come to an end.

Not. And ends with what. Have to. Rebelled against. A clique of. To an end.

Trebitsch had these words on the press report covered with blue lines. He looked up at the man from The Telegraph. “There,” he said, and handed it back.

“But there’s nothing left to it!”

“Then I suggest you stick to the facts in future,” said Trebitsch.

“These are the facts!”

“Not my idea of them. Biased personal opinion, speculation…” Trebitsch let out a fart and was rather pleased with his timing.

“This sentence here…”

“Does not convey proper respect.”

“There are legitimate concerns among the working class. They’ve already begun to strike in great numbers! The people who light and heat the city, the people of Berlin who –“

“The people of Berlin welcome regime change! And I wouldn’t call a few Communists a nationwide strike! I suggest you re-write it.” Trebitsch sent him from the room.

A call came from the adjoining office. “H. G. Daniels of The Times!” announced Lensch.

Daniels entered and handed Trebitsch his sheet. “Let me see…no…no…” The pen went through every line. “No.” He shook his head. “No.”

“What in good heavens?” asked Daniels.

“Bring it back when you do not take such damning liberties!”

“I will not!” said Daniels and planted the page back on Trebitsch’s desk. “There is nothing offensive there!”

Trebitsch smiled cordially and further inspected the report. “Then, allow me to re-draft it for you, Mr. Daniels,” he said, and ripped the paper from top to bottom, and threw it in the bin. “You can tell Viscount Northcliffe that’s an official statement.”

Daniels left and was replaced by another. Trebitsch stood up, and pointed to the clock. “Five o’ clock on a Saturday,” he said. He packed his papers into his black leather brief case and walked from the room. “I have been working on behalf of Germany’s Foreign Press since before you even knew of my existence.”

Lensch and the Chronicle man followed him into the hall where the reporters waited.

“You would be hard pressed to find any government minister with an open door on a Saturday,” he told them. “Which I had!” He closed the door and brought out the keys. “Let alone on a Sunday!” he remarked jubilantly.

“How are we supposed to file for the Sunday editions?”

“This is an outrage! Lord Kilmarnock will hear of this!”

Trebitsch laughed at that one. He left through them quickly and made his way to the bathroom. He was already sat down when he realised there was no toilet roll. Then the lights went out.



c. Andy Luke.
The Watch Thief runs one chapter a week. You can find more here.
To read advance chapters, PDFs, and access a big bundle of awesome extras come spend a few bob on Patreon.

The Watch Thief – Chapter 24

March 3rd, 1920.

Platform 2, Budapest Keleti Railway Station.

The return to Budapest was a wild ride. When the hotel mixed up their bookings the second night, Trebitsch involved the German ambassador and the Foreign Office. This yielded a free room at the Astoria, five weeks complimentary for himself and Margaret Lenkiet. Alexander Krausz, he’d sent to buy up rare Bela Kun postage stamps. They’d fetch high prices in Berlin. He kept abreast of the crisis of course. The Crown Prince offered to trade himself for nine hundred war criminals, the bloody fool. When the ambassador invited him to the Prime Minister’s home to celebrate the opening of Budapest’s new parliament, Trebitsch hid his embarrassment. He said proudly that Ludendorff would not stand by and watch it happen.

Alexander Krausz stood on the platform, a wave through the glass. He’d spoken of visiting Sandor, not much fun, Krausz said, and still angry with Trebitsch over Simon’s term in Alcatraz.

Wire me the money for the stamps!” mouthed Krausz before Trebitsch and Margaret glided away.

The Danube blurred as they crossed, at Kelenföld Power Station, horn honking as in the calling of Trebitsch’s dreams. The sound of carriages on steel rails slow catalysing adrenalin in his bloodstream. His hands clawed the margins of the paper and he leaned so intensely he appeared to crash his whole body into it. ‘Talk of a coup in Berlin imminent, said General Malcolm.’ The image of Malcolm, typical alpha English statesman, slipped out the window into Bratislava’s parks. ‘Lord Kilmarnock issues warning to the Government. Defence Minister Noske orders two Doberitz units disbanded.’ Their photographs flitted off, past Margaret who watched Prague, the half-way point, drift into a winter smudge. Trebitsch dozed lightly. Luttwitz and Ehrhardt had refused to disband their squads. They would parade anyway. Trebitsch thought he saw them as the carriage neared the suburb. These faces slipped away too.

He met Bauer several days later. It was like they had never parted. They were in the Excelsior, full of holiday makers and visiting dignitaries. He left Margaret at the table with his journalist friends, Wulle and Weigand.

Max! What is Luttwitz doing about this nonsense?”

Not here.”

Max was as he remembered: an immovable brick wall with his head held high: a voice that was demanding. Trebitsch noticed he held a smile and wondered if Max had become sentimental. Max despised sentimentality. They walked Budapester Strasse towards Potsdamer Platz with the Tiergarten in front, swans flying to the lake and squirrels flipping dead leaves. Trebitsch made good sport of the inefficiency of the government and praised the loyalty of Von Jagow, the chief of police.

They have not arrested you? How could they? And the same of Luttwitz?”

Haha. Yes, Luttwitz. He’s in a meeting with the President.”

Wolfgang Kapp answered the door at the General’s flat. There were nine of them. Ludendorff had a map of the city unfolded on his drawing table. Pabst circled the Brandenburg with a marker and turned to them.

Luttwitz and I made various plans. If anything goes off Kapp is to be our front man, our figurehead.”

Trebitsch could not believe it. “Kapp?” he asked.

His experience with the credit societies has shown up the Chancellor for the fool he is. Founder and chair of the Fatherland Party: he’s well placed to act as our official figure-head,” said Ludendorff.

Trebitsch shook his head. “I mean no disrespect, Herr Kapp. You are an excellent choice and eminently qualified. However, General Ludendorff, your status would present the people with a greater understanding of our legitimacy.”

I quite agree,” said Bauer. “Official? I’ll take authentic over official every time.”

Ludendorff squared up to Bauer. “The people want political not military legitimacy. That is the way of it, Max. This is a young man’s game. I wiould remain in the background until our new government establishes itself. Then you can present me as your secret weapon!”

Kapp considered the lay of the room. “We are speaking hypothetically. Our plan is fluid. It will be some time before we solidify it. Ebert and Noske owe us and will likely see reason.”

Ludendorff finger-pressed the map. “In case they don’t, troops will march here, to the Brandenburg and take the Reichstag.” He moved his finger along the lines opposite. “At the same time, divisions will take the ministries on Wilhelmstrasse. Foreign embassies there will be left alone to relay that a new power is in office.”

The British are aware we are up to something,” said Bauer. “I spoke with Malcolm earlier. I barely hinted at a putsch but he leapt on that hint. He smells this. He said England would not stand anything of the kind; that any unconstitutional action would be sheer madness.”

The men considered this. Lieutenant Lensch and Bredereck, their shady lawyer. Pabst scratched his head nervously.

Malcolm knows the government is weak. He’d rather we ran the show,” said Bauer. Noticing the confidence which Malcolm’s views inspired, Bauer added, “that said, he’ll follow his orders.”

Ludendorff returned to the map. “Trebitsch, you can maybe use your embassy contacts to intervene,” he said. “I would recommend brigades on the bridges at Schlossplatz and Jungfernbrucke. and secure the railway station.”

The Behrenstrasse post office for Reichstag business,” said Kapp, “and the one behind Potsdamer Platz. Make sure the soldiers do not get in the workers’ way. Soon after we take back the government we’ll need to have the militia take the Reichsbank on Jagerstrasse.”

We’ll have them marching down Unter den Linden. Let Berliners know who’s in charge,” said Bauer.

We had only five thousand to put down the Spartacists,” Pabst said, straightening his cap. “This is a city-wide deployment.”

Indeed! Oh, we can do this. We shall have more than that number,” said Trebitsch.

Yes, though Pabst isn’t wrong. We’ll need loyal men at the ports and the electricity stations,” said Ludendorff.

Trebitsch gleefully rubbed his hands, Bauer watching him like a proud father. “I am certain we can do this,” said Trebitsch. “Be not afraid Herr Kapp, you will bring in a new age.”

For the Empire!” said Bauer.

Kapp pondered the excitable elf for a moment and said, “Lincoln, you’ll be needed for several jobs. Foreign diplomacy springs to mind. We also discussed what to do about the press. With your qualifications it might be best if you lent your skills to the task.”

Oh, I would be honoured!”

The next day, Kapp addressed an open air meeting of the National Union. It was at Pariser Platz, right in front of the Reichstag, and he attracted a crowd. He spoke of great ambitions for the German peoples in the coming days. Chief Von Jagow stood on the cobbles with Bauer and Trebitsch.

Colonel,” whispered the bald vulture, “you need to be very careful. Noske is aware of my loyalties and may take Berlin’s police out of my command.”

Bauer mocked him and Trebitsch joined in with the laughter. Everything would be fine. From the crate where Kapp stood he announced, “There are great, respected men in the international community. Men who have seen Germany’s plight and will not sit by idly. There is one here. Trebitsch-Lincoln. In some senses, he is the spiritual leader of the movement.”

They looked to where Kapp pointed, saw Trebitsch nod modestly, and they applauded him.

That evening he was smoking cigars with Karl Weigand in the Hotel Adlon when Max Bauer collected him.

Oh, I cannot tell the details, Herr Weigand, but you are well placed to bring an exlusive to Mr. Hearst and other bidders! Oh yes. We shall see each other soon!”

The Adlon, on one side of Paritser Platz with it’s bicycles and rickshaws, was only a few minutes walk from Ludendorff’s apartment. They climbed the steps to the sound of arguments. Inside, Pabst and Ludendorff had Luttwitz cornered. This worried Bauer. Captain of the Horse Guards, Pabst, always wore that violent grin, but the General was noticeably emotional. Trebitsch saw it too. Dapper Luttwitz, as short as Kapp, dapper against stocky secretary and co-conspirator.

Kapp raged. “You didn’t even think to consult me?”

Max barked at them. “What’s this about?”

Tell him what you told us,” insisted Ludendorff.

He refused to see me without Noske present. They wouldn’t give an inch, but they were frightened. So I told them: give into our demands. Dissolution of the Reichstag, new elections and the people will directly elect the new President.”

We agreed no such thing,” thundered Bauer.

Well neither did they. So I gave them the ultimatum,” said Luttwitz.

That was rash,” said Bauer.

Make sure everyone is here tomorrow. You have forced our hand,” said Ludendorff.

President Ebert seeks to force our hand. Well, let him play his game, and we’ll see if he can play ours,” said Trebitsch.

Bed linen caught between Trebitsch’s toes and dragged to near trip him as in striped pyjamas he answered the banging door.

Get dressed, Trebitsch. We have work to do. Dress now,” said Bauer.

He turned his back as Trebitsch picked out his clothes. “The orders have come down. Noske put a warrant out for my arrest and for Kapp. They are looking for me and Kapp has gone into hiding. You must find him and bring him here.”

Bauer checked in on his friend’s shadow. Trebitsch was naked, and Bauer sickened himself. He took a breath and summoned his raging tones. “Late last night Luttwitz was relieved of command. Aren’t you going to bathe? This place smells filthy. Clean it up. We will have to meet here tonight. Ludendorff’s is no longer safe. You are to send word to our circle. Now is the time for decisive action.”

Trebitsch emerged beside his friend. Bauer did not want to look until he was sure he was dressed.

Trebitsch said, “I wil be able to slip by undetected. Oh, the moment of revenge is at hand!”

Bauer’s luggage was with him. He’d packed his medals, uniform, the plan for assault and some provisions. He set the bag in the corner and Trebitsch cleared his own belongings, put a stolen fob watch and his new Hungarian passport into a drawer. The reproduction of the Punch cartoon, Land and Labour, Revelations of an International Spy, all these were neatly placed on his bookshelf. Bauer stood to attention and waited for his man to strip his bedclothes.

Ten hours later, Kapp was there. His eyes were fixed on the map spread over Trebitsch’s mattress. Ludendorff, plain clothed, watched the window for threats.

Pabst says we’re not properly prepared to have it now,” said Trebitsch.

If Pabst thinks that, why isn’t he here?” asked Luttwitz.

I made sure to convey that he should be when the time comes. You know where my ideals lie!” said Trebitsch. “Ich bin ein Berliner!”

Captain Ehrhardt curled his lips smugly and nodded at Luttwitz. “It is too late to do anything but march. The putsch must take place. My men are ready,” he said, and tapped his holster.

We will have our military government in place. We will hold the city,” said Bauer.

Pabst said there have been fortifications to put down any invasion,” said Kapp.

To prevent a rabble of intellectuals and communists!” said Bauer. “Not the might of the German Army. That’s what Berlin will get, no matter if Noske plans otherwise.”

Ehrhardt made a show of agreeing, he wanted to make Kapp understand their control of the situation. “There’s a barracks inspection tonight. I’ve instructed my men to display only minimal security. The rest of them will hide. Noske’s inspectors will think we’re weak.”

Bauer laughed and slapped Ehrhardt on the back.

I must go to the Adlon,” said Trebitsch, “and there, I might tell Mr. Weigand to set his alarm clock. Gentlemen, we will all be very rich men tomorrow.”

Then it is agreed,” said Ludendorff.

Agreed,” said Luttwitz.

Ehrhardt said, “I will have our brigades march from Doberitz and reach Berlin by dawn.”



c. Andy Luke.
The Watch Thief runs one chapter a week. You can find more here.
To read advance chapters, PDFs, and access a big bundle of awesome extras come spend a few bob on Patreon.

The Watch Thief – Chapter 23

October 4th, 1919.
Hotel Adlon, Unter den Linden, Berlin. 

Giant square marble columns flanked Hotel Adlon. Max Bauer was only there because of Wulle, who had the highest respect for the Hungarian. Max had his standards so was impressed to find Lincoln tidy, his boots shone and shirt pressed. He felt Lincoln’s scrawny hand wilt as he squeezed it. Reventlow walked by then. He greeted Max, who caught his sneer at Lincoln. It was warm in the Adlon: gas heat and electric lit. Coffee was poured and Trebitsch counted thirty-five marks from his wallet. Max’s stomach churned at the sight of it. The waiter said there was no charge for one of the great war heroes.

“Colonel, I sense you don’t trust me and I know why. It is because of my Jewish birth. You should know I turned my back on Judaism at thirteen. My wife is a German. You worked with Fritz Haber on chemical weapons. His wife was a Jew who became a Christian.”

“…you have an incredible memory,” said Max.

“I have left both Judaism and Christianity far behind me.”

Max was taken aback at his forthrightness though soon they talked of Amerongen. The Kaiser should have enforced mandatory war service before I advised him to step down. Could the Crown Prince take the throne? Max smiled. The son was a good man. He’d served with him at Verdun, bloody mistake of a battle. Trebitsch asked the Colonel if it was true he developed the Krupp mortar? Max laughed. He did so without approval and was nearly dismissed but that High Command saw how effective it was!

The nation needed a strong government. Yes, Lincoln, under one leader, preferably instituting siege law. Some suggested Ludendorff could take command, Trebitsch said. Maybe. Though he was not the same since the day the tanks smashed through their lines at Paris. The words came out hurt. Max wasn’t used to opening up. Poor Erich, it almost destroyed him. He gazed to the palm tree in the corner. Trebitsch sympathised, but reminded Max it was plausible. They had fought a war at home as well as overseas. Commander Falkenhayn, Chancellor Hollweg and other weak politicians fell because of your intervention, Colonel. How easy it would be to remove President Ebert, Minister Noske and their lackeys! Max said they were a fucking phantom government. Politicians were all apes who sat at home, blew their big mouths off and couldn’t care less. Trebitsch cursed Ebert and those who bent the knee at Versailles. Why should Germany be the only country to suffer, to be legally guilty? However, said Max, the existing government had made themselves into a lightning conductor, taking the blame for all the wrong choices. In some senses his military dictatorship was operating already, silently.

In days ahead they met to talk justice and revenge, and finished one another’s sentences. At the end of the second week Max brought Trebitsch to Hotel Eden. As palatial as the Adlon, the function room was loud with forty soldiers boldly in debate and song. Most were in uniform, decorated with an even barred gold Baltic Cross or crescent mooned emblems on the wings of a Silesian Eagle. Versailles plotters could think they decimated the Army, said Max, but the bastards had instead run a recruiting drive for our Freikorps. He introduced Commander Pabst, a jolly fellow with a toothbrush moustache and an air of mischief. His cavalry guards were all around the room. Pabst told them that on this very spot he had communists executed. I killed Luxemberg and Liebknecht myself! Canaris, of the military court, hung his head. Von Jagow, the ex-Berlin head of police, drank half a tankard. One of the soldiers said they were doing their duty. Ebert and Defence Minister Noske wanted us to put the Spartacists down. We put them down! To the President! Men laughed all around. Somebody slapped Trebitsch on the back and encouraged him to sing with them.

Max walked and young soldiers moving aside like quicksilver, saluting him too. Waiters carried silver dishes of sandwiches and wrapped figs. There were veterans in search of stability, some mercenaries too, but all he knew were patriots. Captain Ehrhardt and his men from Dobertitz were there that night. Ehrhardt’s unmistakeably expressive face and goatee strip chin popped up across the room. Before Max could get to him, he had to get around Reventlow.

“Colonel, it is good to see you. I hope tonight we will begin to fight back against the Jewish globalist conspiracy.”

Reventlow had short black hair on a fat face which sloped from his eyes. He’d served in the navy and as a journalist backed Max’s own calls for submarine warfare.

“Have you read the Protocols of the elders of Zion? It is the Jewish master plan to take over the world.”

“The socialists are to blame,” said Ehrhardt’s man, Runge. “How could we pay five trillion? Even the British thought it ludicrous.”

“Russia shows us where that road ends,” said Max. “A conspiracy of socialists and liberals and fucking intellectuals. And the women! They should have been conscripted too.”

“Well,” said Reventlow, “they’re all round here aren’t they? The orientals, the faggots, the homeless. Nürnbergerstrasse is full of the snails, ones with their countries on their backs. We need to stop the country going to the Bolsheviks,” he said.

He and Reventlow followed the spirits trolley to Ehrhardt and Wolfgang Kapp, an elderly activist whose face was like the eruption of a volcano around a pair of spectacles. They asked Max about his meeting with General Malcolm, the head of the British mission. It was a positive meeting. Malcolm appreciated their protection from the socialists; perhaps he would not challenge a coup.

Trebitsch found them then. The journalist who went to Amerongen. Max led the cheers. When they settled, Kapp said they would soon have a monarch again. Max casually suggested they didn’t need one, and Reventlow nodded in time.

“The Crown Prince should not be difficult,” said Ehrhardt. “We should ask. General Luttwitz says we should demand fresh elections.”

“We’re having elections already, we don’t need another!” thundered Max. “Democracy is the last resort the rule of capitalists and the demagogues and press whom they pay!”

“The Crown Prince could take over from his father and someone should secure his approval for any putsch,” said Trebitsch. “Something has to happen!”

The first grand hotel on Wilhelmplatz was the Kaiserhof: two hundred and sixty modern rooms with electric, bathrooms, telephone, pneumatic lifts, gas kitchens and steam heating. It was as big as a street. Max caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror: a balding, tired man with eyes that saw blood atop the body mass of a rhinoceros. Trebitsch met him and broached the subject of travelling to see the Crown Prince at his Wieringen sanctuary. Karl Weigand had interviewed the Prince and though Weigand found Trebitsch journalistic contacts he needed, his trip was not for that purpose. This would need a special introduction. I’ll provide it, Max said, but I can’t guarantee you will be seen. Colonel, please do not tell anyone, even my secretary, Mrs. Lenkiet, must not know. Max said a woman’s place was in the home, then gave a wink and laughed.

Max kept his medals with his clothing. They weren’t for hanging from the walls. His apartment was tidy and conservative. In the study he sat at the bureau desk reading the October 7th Deutsche Tageszeitung. There was a column by Reventlow, who said Mr. Trebitsch Lincoln represented no-one. His visit to Amerongen was a fairy tale, a Republican provocation designed to discredit the monarchists. Readers were warned to ignore him at all costs. Max was incensed. A few days later, Officer Kummer at Wieringen wrote of meeting Trebitsch. He had good intent but was too pushy and might easily compromise the Prince. Max wondered did Kummer not know that was the point? Was he too blind to see that action was called upon? The first letter from Trebitsch came a few days later. He was optimistic about meeting the Prince but was appalled at Reventlow’s actions. Would Max confront him and make clear they had known each other some time?

When Max went out it was never the same faces: industrialists, politicians, journalists and always the loyal men of the Reichswehr and Freikorps; the German Army. Their accents were from Wustermark and Potsdam, Leipzig and Kopenick and when they weren’t talking they were swigging beer and munching grub. Erich Luttwitz was there, without his usual unpredictable energy. Luttwitz was sixty, black eyebrows over white hair and wrinkles spread around his sickly skeletal face. Was it not enough, he moaned to Max, to reduced their army by seventy percent, now to half that? Anywhere in the room Max went that evening he heard defeatism: the confiscated territory in China and Africa; the Saar mines; hyper-inflation; the war guilt clause. The few men not in a dark night of the soul talked big plans for revolution made of hot air. Luttwitz and he were heroes. They knew it and knew men talked just to impress them. Max’s ears suddenly pricked at the droning sound of Ernst Reventlow.

“Trebitsch Lincoln? The man’s either dangerous or a buffoon. All his talk of propaganda and overseas support is quite worthless.”

Max charged forward and stabbed a finger at him.

“How dare you?” he guldered. “Trebitsch Lincoln has worked successfully and reliably in the direction that we desire!”

Silence crashed the room. All eyes scorned the journalist. Though three feet away Max could feel him shaking and smelled the gas in his pants.

“Right now Trebitsch is there talking to the Crown Prince about backing our action. And what are you doing, Reventlow? Any of you? Sitting here, moping. Or fantasising!”

Luttwitz wiped a serviette over his lips and smiled.

“I am sorry I have offended you, Colonel Bauer,” said Reventlow.

“Oh shut up you damn fool,” he said and then turned away.

November frost cut across the Spree as Trebitsch, Luttwitz and Bauer passed a soup kitchen line on Reichstagufer. They were lost souls, crippled by war or unemployment. The Americans at The Hague were sympathetic to their work there, Trebitsch said, and he’d brought home a new woman. You’ll get gonorrhoea or syphilis Max warned him sombrely. She worked with German prisoners of war, he said. Luttwitz joked he was definitely at risk. They passed the Reichstag and through Brandenburg Gate. The wind gathered like a mugging and along the hedges of the Tiergarten. Max had sworn Luttwitz to say nothing about the identity of ‘Herr Neumann’, the man they were visiting. When the Old Sinner answered the door he watched Trebitsch trying to place the mashed frown, looking back and forth between Neumann’s broad shoulders. His eyes popped wide open when he recognised Ludendorff. He shook the General’s hand again and was laughing giddily.

Upstairs, Max talked passionately of contributions, agreements and frontier rectifications. He means military dictatorship, said Luttwitz. The military would rise, Max told them, it was only a matter of time. They lost because politicians kept interfering with High Command, and now were fighting a war behind enemy lines. Total warfare, said Ludendorff. The foundation of human society, said Max. Trebitsch confessed he wasn’t admitted to the Prince at Wieringen. It was an island of mud, no place for a future King. Max wondered if they might just assassinate the Kaiser: clear the line of succession that way. Luttwitz was Supreme Commander since Ludendorff’s dismissal and said he would convey any order they saw fit but hoped it wouldn’t come to killing the Kaiser. They could tell people he was mad, Ludendorff said. Trebitsch could plant stories through his contacts in the papers. He even had plans for his own paper. Bauer said he would introduce him to the former vice chancellor. When the time comes, said Luttwitz, we can dissolve the Reichstag, outlaw strikes and abolish unemployment insurance. Our men will support us. Reichswehr does not fire on Reichswehr. Between them they would throw out the undesirable elements and make Germany great again.

Max and Trebitsch met every few days, for drinks or to plan with the others. Sometimes he had the brunette from The Hague, Elsa Von Nagelein, on his arm, or Margaret Lenkiet. His cousin from Budapest, a skinny lad named Krausz joined them and was awed by the company. Max was running late to the meeting at Pabst’s home the night Trebitsch walked out on them. Kapp said he had left half an hour before and didn’t seem quite himself. Ehrhardt was more forthcoming. The Hungarian announced their meetings were a waste of time and they should have overthrown the government already. They carried on without him but Max had a bad feeling. The next day he marched to Trebitsch’s flat on the Doblingerstrasse, near Wulle’s paper. Max found him with a half-packed suitcase laid on the bed, brimming with his friend’s new clothes. His voice was excited and mean.

“I’m going home to Budapest. I don’t know if I will return. I’m tired of politics here. I heard last night the Crown Prince’s adjutants were in Berlin! Did they not even call on you?”

“No, they did not, nor did they call on the General. It seems we were snubbed, however…”

“The Prince is making foolish remarks in the press and if you can’t bring him in line, if we are unable to organise a united action in his favour, well, it is damn pitiful!”

Max nodded. Trebitsch rolled another shirt into his case and said, “the men you surround yourself with? Max, they are just as foolish! The English have a saying: strike while the iron is hot. But for Ludendorff and yourself they’d give the iron away! It’s a miserable shame the lot of it!”

The winter sun passed the window passed and threw a cold shade thrown across Max’s face. “I respect your decision. I am not sure I agree entirely.”

“There is no point in me continuing to be involved in this charade. I must withdraw my services.”

Max heard little of him after that. A friend in the Foreign Office said he’d provided Trebitsch an introduction to the embassy in Berlin. Max’s thoughts were more concerned with the disillusionment among his soldiers as well as the enemies in his own government who kept close watch on him.

It was an early February morning air when insistent knocking came to his door. A brittle winter air slid into his bones as he opened it. Waldemar Pabst, normally in the habit of showing the Colonel due respect, invited himself in and pushed a newspaper into Max’s hands. He was shaking like a leaf. Max took a minute and scanned the lead story. The Allies had called for the arrest of nine hundred military men, including Ludendorff, Hindenburg, Luttwitz and himself.

“The shit has hit the fan,” said Pabst.


c. Andy Luke.
The Watch Thief runs one chapter a week. You can find more here.
To read advance chapters, PDFs, and access a big bundle of awesome extras come spend a few bob on Patreon.

The Watch Thief – Chapter 22

Berlin–Lehrte Railway, 15 September, 1919.

Alfred Anderson in suit, sweeping bronze overcoat and fedora, kept his broadsheet firm but low to permit an eye line. He moved to turn the pages of his paper or when the train shook Trebitsch’s shiny walking stick onto the floor. Trebitsch wore grey spats over ankles, a black cape, suit with bowtie and black bowler hat.
“I said, when Mr. Wulle introduced us on Unter den Linden, yes, there’s a man who I will get on with. Do you know at that cafe I met the Captain of Koepenick? Mr. Wulle said he’d introduce me to a Herr Neumann. Neumann, hmmm? Do you know him? It doesn’t matter. We shall give your employer Mr. Hearst some incredible story. All of America will hear of it. Oh, you and I shall have an adventure, Anderson!”
The window to Castle Wolfsburg passes gorse walls quick. Bridges black out country. Microscopic slides, faraway stamps of mountain green, a water speckle of town-bridge through filter of hanging wires.
“They are particularly cruel, the British. They transferred me to where they executed my cell-mate, Roger Casement. Then they delayed my release, but made sure to dangle it before me first! I was expressly told not to return to Budapest. I think it was because of the revolution. The Bela Kun regime? Oh, they feared my involvement. My brother, Lajos, was very big in Socialist circles but he was not even in Hungary then! My mother would have been pleased to see me. Although there were men there, greedy fat oil-men, who wanted me thrown in prison!”
Anderson was heavy set, his lips rarely moving his waxed moustache. The livestock threaten to gridlock Lehrte’s city streets and the trains similarly pack its station. There were dots of trees and telegraph poles in dots and a fly buzzing around the curve of the window glass. Then Hannover, three hundred thousand people in a free trading modern suburb.
“I was saying earlier, the British tried to stop me going home. I intended to! Ah, Hannover! When I got to here I decided, no, I shan’t. Why give them what they expect? I shall see Germany. I had no ticket and they became awkward; and then they remembered who I am and let me ride free. People gave out free food and sang with great sentiment. Your people are the best people in the world!”
Then they are pushed into a new shuddering. Petershagen: sparse lakes and buildings, like an archaeological dig. Anderson was quiet still. Salzebergen: smoking oil refineries and for a time all he saw was trees, like a jigsaw puzzle. Buds tapped telegraph signals: bored, bored, and bored. Then over the border to the Netherlands and Oldenzaal, bigger than his last visit with buses, trains, but the familiar brick water tower. The train honked over inclines of public paths, Pothoek and the Lek River, Gelderland’s lakes painting sunset. More than a few times he thought he glimpsed farms surveyed for Rowntree. There was a woman opposite them in the carriage and her reflection passed over a farm spectral-like.
“I expect you think it strange to be making the same journey Kaiser Wilhelm made? I do too. I was at his own grandmother’s jubilee celebrations you know? She would turn in her grave if she knew what we know now. I am excited to hear what the Kaiser has to say to all of this, are you not Mr. Anderson?”
The last of the window reflections disintegrated in overcast skies. Anderson was sleeping, or pretending. Trebitsch gazed out at the dark ridge valley of paper mills, hunting lodges and the vicarage of Kootwijkerbroek. Anderson woke on cue at Utrecht where they disembarked and breakfasted. They walked where the Rhine flowed in canal and wharfs, by St. Martin’s and the churches of Dom Square. They asked directions of several people on the way to the automobile trader. Once it was purchased, Trebitsch donned his black leather gloves and jumped behind the wheel.
“Ford Model T,” he exclaimed, “T for Trebitsch!”
There were projected flashes of dawn rays on the gatehouse and courtyard estate At Doorn. Amerongen was signposted as they took Dutch country winds, hard gusts in their heads. Trebitsch incessantly shouted over it all. Anderson didn’t even nod.
“This is beautiful, is it not?? The Dutch chose well to stay out of the war!! As did the Kaiser!! If you could call avoiding execution a choice!! The arrogance of the British!!”
Landscape rose over flat water meadow, the late thirteenth century castle, the wooden clock tower motored to them. The car slowed over the entrance bridge and drew to a stop at the gate. They looked to the house of ivy and the stables, when the guard returned, walking between four parked cars. With him was a General, and Trebitsch walked ahead and shook his hand. He was a lean man, but broad and with a fat white beard.
“This is Alfred Anderson, an employee of Randolph Hearst he represents 320 papers! And I am Trebitsch Lincoln, perhaps you have heard of me.”
“Yes, yes I have. I am General Dommers. You were seeking an interview. What is it about?”
“There is much talk in Berlin of a putsch,” said Trebitsch. “It would not fail, I am told, if the Kaiser made an official statement not to interfere and allow his son to take the throne. In any case it would be most valuable to talk with him.”
“I am afraid he is seeing no-one today and of course, I cannot speak on the Kaiser’s behalf. Perhaps you might come back tomorrow?”
“Wonderful wonderful, yes we will,” said Trebitsch.
The village of Amerongen village had a derelict cream butter plant and rusted tobacco factory. However, tulips grew in their masses and they drank and ate by a brewery yard covered in machinery.
“What they did to Germany at Versailles was barbaric and humiliating. Even some British papers regarded the reparations as too substantial. If I had gotten to the conference…well, I would have reminded them how the British and French helped start that war! In your column you should reflect that. Germany acted out of the same sense of alliance that Wilson now champions.”
“Yes,” said Anderson, and supped his beer.

The next day Trebitsch drove them through to the inner steel gates alongside the moat in front of the castle. They looked to the gardeners re-planting bushes and bricking a wall.
“The abdication was signed here,” said Trebitsch.
General Dommers marched towards them and Trebitsch waved.
“Staff only are permitted this far,” he said.
“General, it is us! We have called to see the Kaiser!”
“Oh yes. I am afraid I could not get you an audience or his thoughts on the putsch.”
“I see. You know if Germany had four years of peace instead of war foisted on us by the British, Germany would have been the economic master of Europe without challenge. What are your own thoughts, General, on the matter of this potential putsch?”
Trebitsch saw dig with right hand a man who could have been the Kaiser. Dommers was blocking his view to the garden and Trebitsch stood up on his tip-toes.
“I could not give my opinion on the matter. Perhaps you might be willing to call back?”

The next day they found an empty car at the front gate and General Dommers already out by the guard post. He was with a man in a bowler hat and eye-glasses and pointed to Trebitsch.
“I’m sorry, gentlemen,” said Dommers. “His Majesty has been and is otherwise occupied. I may try again later.”
“We should be back in Berlin soon,” said Anderson.
“Trebitsch Lincoln? Lorne Linham, London Daily Graphic. We heard about your visits here and I was sent to cover it.”
General Dommers went back inside and locked the gate behind him. Anderson was already returning to the car.

“Have you any words for the British people?” asked Linham.
“Personally, I told the British authorities in writing, that I would devote my life to working against England. I lost no time when I regained my liberty, and last week in Berlin I made a good start.”
“What were you doing in Berlin?” said Linham.
“I have been writing for Reinhold Wulle’s paper, Deutsche Zeitung. He opposed the war and is one of those seeking to rebuild Germany after the indignities heaped upon it.”
“What are you here to talk about with Kaiser Wilhelm?”
“I cannot say, though we would have no more than a few pleasant chats of a purely personal and private nature.”

In bowler hat and cape Trebitsch made his way through Potsdamer Platz, wondering if he had found and burned every last copy in Berlin of that stupid Daily Graphic interview. The thought of his new friends seeing it made him claustrophobic. It was an embarrassment waiting to happen. He wondered if Anderson got a copy before he was recalled to New York. Half way along Königgrätzerstrasse was the Hotel Excelsior, one of Berlin’s larger venues but low-key.
The private bar was busy with finely dressed waiters pouring drinks at trolleys and girls serving ham and sauerkraut roll-ups or cheese. His editor had swept back hair but otherwise resembled Trebitsch like a brother and greeted him like one. Mrs. Margaret Lenkiet was a tall brunette similar in appearance to Trebitsch’s wife and he kissed her cheeks affectionately. Within seconds of the speaking of Trebitsch’s name those from the groups around broke off and inserted themselves into the discussion.
“Mr. Stinnes,” said Wulle, “owns Deutsche Zeitung and is a colleague of Curt Elschner, who owns the Excelsior.” Then he brought his voice to a whisper. “Otherwise we’d never have been able to afford this.”
Trebitsch said not quietly, “Well, we have a stupid government that gives into a five trillion debt with more to be added later!”
“Trebitsch, this is Mr. Stinnes,” said Mrs. Lenkiet.
Hugo Stinnes had great bushy hair above and below face. Trebitsch turned red. Stinnes laughed and patted him on the back.
“That is alright. They’re worthy of our hatred. I have seen your writings, Mr. Lincoln, and I am impressed,” said Stinnes.
Trebitsch recalled Stinnes had made his money with coal and oil exports along the barges and immediately thought of his similarity to his father, though Stinnes was only ten years older than himself.
“Kuno von Westarp, I am the editor of Kreuzzeitung. It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Lincoln. Is it true you met the Kaiser?”
Von Westarp was a small stout man with an angry face of bursting blood vessels. From his side came another person, asking what Trebitsch thought of the Kaiser. Did he meet Empress Augusta? Across the room a dead eyed grim and ugly man watched as he leaned against a pillar. It was Ernst Reventlow, a fifty year old nationalist provocateur journalist. Trebitsch had run into him at various newspaper offices and looked away from him, shaking his head and smirking.
“No, no, I did not meet him unfortunately.”
Wulle excused himself. There was a man he wanted to introduce and set off to fetch him. Stinnes was impressed so many people knew Trebitsch and told him he would have Wulle would commission him to write another piece. The editor returned with a kindly round faced bald man with hope in his bespectacled eyes and dapper dress. Wulle introduced him as Karl Weigand and told the others he was Anderson’s replacement as Berlin correspondent.
“When Alfred left his secretary found employment with Mr. Lincoln,” said Wulle. “The two of you will have to share Mrs. Lenkiet’s services. Something else you have in common: you have both made the trip to Amerongen.”
“Yes, I am gracious,” said Trebitsch. “It was Mr. Weigand who scooped the first interview with the Emperor.”
“Mr. Lincoln, a pleasure to meet you,” said Wulle. “I could have chased you all over New York if I wasn’t so busy getting shot at on the Eastern Front!”
“You would not have caught me and if you were getting shot at I was glad we were not near each other!”
With Weigand’s arrival more were gathering around them, even Reventlow had left his post.
“We’ll introduce these men to Max Bauer, perhaps Herr Neumann,” said Stinnes.
“Neumann? Who is he?” asked Trebitsch.
Realising they had company Stinnes asked if he and Weigand might be excused. A dozen questions on the Kaiser’s health and castle were asked of Weigand as they departed. Trebitsch noted the snub immediately and Wulle, knowing his form, changed tack.
“Yes, you really ought to meet Max Bauer,” he said.
“Mr. Wulle, why doesn’t Germany work for co-operation with Russia and China?” he asked. “They have been left in the cold as we have. Not to mention Japan, Turkey and Italy.”
“That’s a good question. I think you and Colonel Bauer might get along.”
“He was Ludendorff’s right hand man,” said Mrs. Lenkiet.
“Yes,” said Trebitsch, looking back to the people moving off in search of Weigand. “But he is not Ludendorff is he?”

c. Andy Luke.
The Watch Thief runs one chapter a week. You can find more here.
To read advance chapters, PDFs, and access a big bundle of awesome extras come spend a few bob on Patreon.

The Watch Thief – Chapter 21

Brixton Prison, 26 June, 1916.

Sir Roger Casement brought pen to paper, fever converging at front of his head and clotting. Every sound in his cell came acutely. The malaria fed on him still. The next prisoner over was speaking constantly, a Hungarian accent, accentuating Casement’s own migraines. He was excited and annoyingly optimistic.

“I was active within the consulates of Europe! I am given to understand you knew, intimately, the consulates of Brazil and Rio de Janeiro. That is where you produced your humanitarian report?”

Casement sighed and put down his pen.

“That was on the slavery and mutilation in the Congo, Mr. Lincoln.”

“Ah! My work on human rights was carried out in Belgium. France and Germany too.”

There was silence and Casement recognised it as a moment to return to preparing the address he was to make to the Old Bailey.

“I heard you met my old friend, Captain Von Papen, in Berlin,” sang Trebitsch. “You worked together on the British uprising in India.”

“He and I negotiated a declaration whereby Germany would not invade Ireland,” said Casement. “Now look. Mr. Lincoln. I’m very sorry but I must prepare for my hearing.”

“I know how this is. Your hearing is tomorrow. Mine is next week. Your prosecutor is F.E. Smith? I met him briefly at the National Liberal Club. A bully and a child.”

Casement said, “Smith has a mind to smear me. He has given the court intensely personal documents. Writings not intended for public spectacle.”

“A Mr. Maundy Gregory will have obtained those. A greasy little blackmailer who is Smith’s to call upon,” said Trebitsch.

On the bed in his tiny cell, Trebitsch dogged ears on his own sheath of papers, and then straightened them out again.

“Reginald Hall, Maundy Gregory, they’re all against us. Hall’s to blame you know. I’m a British subject but like you I hate England. They charged me with forgery; a trumped-up charge in order that I might be shot as a spy. But I outwitted them – I’m one of the brainiest of men!”

Trebitsch’s eyes rolled in his head and he tapped the sheets and the mattress.

“Mr. Casement, They have not heard the end of this!” he said.

From Brixton, Casement went to Pentonville and Trebitsch was sentenced to Parkhurst. His cell-mate was frizzy haired, barely an adult, five dots on the web of his sticky fingers. He was called Harry and Trebitsch entertained him with the story of a Brooklyn pick-pocket who swiped his own lawyer’s wrist-watch. Once he had tamed the boy he tried to teach him but had little luck. The other prisoners all knew about him. Piss off, spy! Hang the Kaiser, they jeered. He told them all he would have his revenge on England.

In the library, Trebitsch read in the newspaper of his brother, Simon. The article explained that he was an American soldier, caught with another man engaged in the act of sodomy. The matter came to the authorities attention after the escape from jail of his famous brother. Considered high risk, he was put under watch with the fugitive’s friends and family in New York. Simon had been sentenced to time in Alcatraz. Trebitsch persevered. He wrote to anyone he thought might make a difference. Dear Mr. Asquith, I am an ex-researcher for His Majesty’s Government, on poverty and European policy. He wrote any way that might make a difference. Dear Mr. Lloyd George, I am a former member of your parliament who through a travesty of justice has found himself incarcerated. Trebitsch feared his Harry, might try to pilfer his letters, his daily democracies, but he could barely read. Trebitsch read out the letters to The Mail, to The Times, but the lad who was called Harry simply laughed.

Margarethe could not see him but she wrote. She was working as a housekeeper; Ignatius and John were working in a hospital. He wrote back about his visit to the prison library and the hospital, which he enjoyed for the clean bed linen, good food and sunlight. Word of his writing had gotten around and became a commodity lent out to prisoners going to trial. A pacifist accused of treason and a simpleton denied his family visits, he represented both and they inspired him when he wrote to the Home Secretary. Dear Mr. Shortt and or the Foreign Office. Dear Mr. Crowe, you will be interested to learn… Dear Captain Hall, I hope we can each put aside enmities of the past, grown by misunderstanding. We both want what is best for Britain… The two page standard for letters of petition could not hold him.

“Warden Allison, there are a lot of devilish lies for which it would take a hundred pages to explain the calculated barbarities inflicted upon me!”

When British and French empires waged unjust bloodshed on the German people and their own people, he said, there was no controlling the weapons of war and a reckoning must come, Mr. Tyrrell, before you yourself are caught in the crossfire!! The letters to civil servants and cabinet members brought little positive response and one day Warden Allison called to inform him the request for extra facilities was denied. The extra facilities would have allowed a hundred pages explaining the necessities in his case so Prime Minister Lloyd George would understand a) his innocence, b) his value as an internationally recognised champion, c) his negotiating skills designed to bring war to a swift end, and part II) a just end. He would not have said he had told them so. Merely, he would have included citations referencing prior communications. Dear Mr. Kell, I write to you, head of MI5, as a former missionary and curate. I pray you will see past the abuse my name has suffered, knowing you are a man of God and we are all equal in his eyes.I have aided the allied forces with valuable espionage work! I am innocent in all of this and unjustly treated. Why are they doing this to me?

There were evenings when his thinking was clotted; intellect gummed, not exercising will. He smoked a cigarette, his first in weeks. The charm had gone out of it. He read from Margatethe but on one occassion was so sick he could not even imagine her. He could not conjure her voice. She was still unhappy. The locals did not appreciate the German in the neighbourhood. Ignatius and John had found jobs at a farm, after the hospital closed, but they were barely making ends meet.

It was a day in August 1917 hopping benches in the mess hall with Raven, Mather and Cholomondely, when he was withdrawn to rise. The governor stripped Trebitsch of his petition privileges for a year. He told no-one on the wing: he didn’t tell himself for a few days. Instead his thoughts were random: of parliament in recess and churchmen on sabbatical. A night later in the week, he slept deep five minutes and awoke, hyper-ventilating, feeling the wall of his cell for escape. He experienced the same the night after. He could not breathe.

Though the winter had come it was too hot. He pulled on his jumper. Yet lying in his vest the damp air wailed its way in. The draught slipped into his neck and shoulder and his head was heavy with tightness. He welcomed the work in the machine shop. One afternoon he returned to the wing completely drained and slept, smiling and thinking of the early rise ahead of him but Orpheus did not release him until late the following morning. He dreamt Margarethe had found her letters forged and was sobbing. The seat in the cell where he wrote was ill-fitting and his clothes clinged to him in punishment. He would go to bed immediately after each work day. His head rolled, a furnace around his eyes, the heat of sleep locking them. He slept longer and longer and the night tremors continued: Inside him there was another person, screaming; flapping; striking out at the walls. His bald head squeezed damp from the wrinkles and he turned over. And the next night, he awoke as that man with clenched fist. He knows he will die and is crying for mercy. He waits for the lights to be turned out, or moves in bed from the electric glare. There is nothing left he wants to do. In the morning he dreamt of Jody and T.C. Their wounds made him cry. Their voices were those of his sons, Ignatius telling his father when he moved things around, they stunk. Those two weeks, Trebitsch would not talk. In the canteen, other inmates mocked the silence. Trebitsch the mute. Go on, speak. A German had cut out his tongue. Let’s hear his explanation! Come out and speak or are you stuck with two tongues? Trebitsch snapped. He got up, enraged. Again, he could not breathe, nor could he speak, and this made it worse. His eyes rolled to the top of his head and he collapsed on the canteen floor.

In his cell, Trebitsch wiped saliva through stubble and complained aloud about Dr. James. He’d been in and out of the infirmary in an instant. His stomach kicked and he heard close in his ear those three days had passed. In the darkness of his bunk he heard the same voice in Hungarian and at that moment two streams of sweat fell towards each eye. An Englishman asked if the Speaker would inform the House when the cell-mate Harry had departed. Whether it was three weeks or days Trebitsch had been alone in there, he couldn’t recall.

Trebitsch had a recurring dream. He was never sure what it was: only slices were remembered, like the image of a sundial in moonlight. He did remember the recurring feeling when he awoke. He had multiples. The curate and the man of the consulate and the missionary who had a great German voice but no power. There was the spy who was constantly ill, his physicality flickering. Nervously he assured Trebitsch the darkness was good to hide in. They spoke out to him in half-sentences: in French, German, Hungarian and English.

“Copper water and silver chain, take us from sin,” said the oil baron.

“I didn’t make the rules. If you resign now…” said the missionary.

And the Federal Agent said, “What are you: bull or bear?”

Dr. James brought Trebitsch back to the prison hospital as his night tremors got worse. The hospital was lit, though smelled less sanitary than he was used to. An angular beam of light focussed on the needle in his hand. He felt no pain. He just watched the tube fill with yellow liquid and disappear into his veins. Whenever he awoke he sensed the other selves. They were looking for a convict. God save the queen, one of them called, and he heard how the child howled, the child Margarethe was pregnant with. Strange, he thought, I had forgotten my first son. He wondered if he had dreamed young Harry, but the missionary said he heard whispering on the YMCA steps. Trebitsch realised they’d had the conversation before. One of the nurses told him that a coming world willl sweep away a mad civilisation of suffering and more suffering. He replied he needed to go to the toilet. She fetched him a robe, which at first he thought belonged to that of a monk. Over the weeks, nurses took his temperature and he didn’t have to move. When fever got him, he turned in his bed with otherness until the pillow was in his mouth. He wanted it to end. Time ruptured and unravelled its chain. Every second was partitioned, louder.

Back in the cell, he examined the wall for coded routes of escape, seeing letters written into the wall. He tried to find his name spelled out by scrapes. He would make an anagram. But he could not be relieved and settled on the signs of his initials.The prison guards banged the bars, first like the sound of a carriage then more infernally. It was wrong, in the way the reconstruction of the Hotel Adlon was wrong. He wondered for a moment if it wasn’t Reginald Hall taunting him, clattering the bars with his revolver. He was gripped with the idea of going to Vienna but remembered The Hague would see him. He turned over on the mattress, to the brown bricked windows he dreamt again of broken glass on soil. Margarethe sat in floral spring dress. On the bed in the Mission House spare room she sat, still, like a hawk. Her hands were clasped with her mother beside, in purple. Neither flinched. Sir Bertie was in the hallway, laughing. The pillow was obstructing Trebtisch’s throat. Absolutely worthless, he heard a voice say. You will not be paid for the codes or for anything by us ever! Then black balls filled his vision, floating liquid mucus in tar, some hours of fragmented forms of the betrayed. They were many: Lypshytz, McCarter, Burt and Archbishop Davidson. Rowntree was there of course, interviewing him for a job with Jewish Missionary Intelligence. Herbert and Gilbert Samuel sang God Save the Queen. Marshals Proctor and Johnson complaining about curtailed nights out, his own brothers annoyed about peeling potatoes, Warden Hayes calling for him to be condemned in the Venusberg and the voices of the guards Keating and Danbeck and Charles Jundt, their trust betrayed to his advantage. His boys, far away, seemed to reach out for mercy from some far away island. It was the worst night of his life. In the five minutes before he awoke, Trebitsch assembled his other selves, seven of them now, and said they must pool their efforts. They had before. Reginald Hall had stopped them and he had sent millions of boys to die. Together his plan to crimson the oceans could be halted. His other selves murmured. Only the voice of the spy agreed firmly and this made the hairs on the back of Trebitsch’s head stand up. The dream itself, the recurring dream, was firmly tucked away from memory. As the fever fell, the other selves dripped away or stepped back into the walls. When he thought about it they’d declared their nationality and want for revenge, but he conceded he’d made this up after the fact. After five months in the infirmary he dreamt of balls of silver. He slept peacefully and was up and walking. The first reports came in of an Armistice in Europe. In dark cells, Parkhurst celebrated and he was his animated self again, even forgot for a time all ideas of revenge.

Dear Margarethe, my loving wife, I realise what I ask is bold but understand; there can be no other recourse. The Home Secretary laid this ultimatum with his order. So, my nationality has been revoked, and by extension of our marriage, yours too. You must understand. We are stateless. If you do not want our sons twisted against us, you will renounce Britain. Have them denaturalised. As for Julius, when I am released he will find a job with me. It vexes me to learn he has been killing for the British Empire. I might disown him. He is of age to make responsible decisions. We shall soon be out of this country, which I looked up to in spite of all her shortcomings, as by far the foremost country in the world in all that appertained to fair play, honour and justice. My sentence is now almost up, and I hope yours shall be soon too. I wish you a happy Christmas and promise a better one by next year. Your loving husband, Ignacz.

Trebitsch looked forward to the day. May, 1919, time yet to make the Versailles peace conference. Time to catch the dances and songs on Paris streets, or Budapest. He packed his few belongings and two officers escorted him into the light. The steam train carried them past the bomb sites into the green English hills and finally the glistening sun upon the rippling sea. He talked of his great happiness to the men at the docks at Harwich. One of the officers were called to the telephone and returned, gravely. The balls of light swirled manically: silver, then brown and not translucent; he was led to the train. On the orders of the intelligence services and Home Office they took him back to Pentonville, through the bomb sites. The last bars of light sped from him and he was led into the darkness, struggling, hysterical and the cell door locked.

c. Andy Luke.
The Watch Thief runs one chapter a week. You can find more here.
To read advance chapters, PDFs, and access a big bundle of awesome extras come spend a few bob on Patreon.

The image featured atop, sent to me by Laura Linham, comes from The Liverpool Post and Mercury – Wed July 6, 1916.

Writer’s Commentary – The Watch Thief Prologue / Chapter 1

Research and illness took their toll on schedules for The Watch Thief – the novelization of the remarkable life of Trebitsch Lincoln: adventurer, crook, spy, journalist, rector and the events and cities he lived in. You can read it here at

For a change I’m delivering two commentaries previously only available to Patreon $2-a-month subscribers.  Refresh yourself with the Prologue and Chapter One or dive straight in!

Hello, patrons. Thanks for reading the first shots in a story that’s sustained my interest for years, and my first regular wage in as long. The prologue begins with Ignacz’s father scrubbing up for church. I wanted to begin with physical contact. It’s a far way from the shaving scene beginning Joyce’s Ulysees (with that amazing image of crossed razors on top a mirror), but I think it works. Nathan and his family are Jewish Orthodox, I wanted to make that a special point, name the clothing exactly, so I found info on attire at and

The Comedy Theatre of Budapest, aka The Vigszinhaz, was the big draw in expanding Budapest, but unfortunately it wasn’t built until 1897, the time of Chapter 1. So Ignacz was on his way to the Municipal Theatre. I wasn’t able to get an exact location but I was sure Paks, were Nathan’s family lived, was a journey that meant he’d cross one of the bridges over the Danube. The Municipal was old already, and small, though it was moneyed and elegant.

Austria-Hungary’s merger and dual monarchy was created in 1867. Budapest, rapidly expanding in the 1890s, was a finance and import capital. Magyar is the name Hungarians give themselves and the 1890s saw the nobility move there and bring more finance into the developments.

The prologue takes place on March 16th, according to Jens Malte Fischer, who recounts events at the performance of Lohengrin, in his book Gustav Mahler, by Yale University Press. I’m not sure if I got away with the Count Zichy reference, and to cast some exposition… Géza Zichy was the city commissioner with some suction in Arts and Culture but he was also part of the right-wing anti-foreigner attitude in government at the time. Mahler had been teaching, and serving as the principal conductor under a ten year contract since 1888, six years. He’d already been in line of sight from Budapest’s cultural conflict in the press a few times. When Zichy’s new role as Intendant was announced, Mahler understood many of his rights were curtailed and powers transferred. The cards were on the table. Mahler signed a new contract with the Hamburg Opera on the q.t. and knowing Zichy wanted him out, he approached him and a severance was offered. Mahler announced his resignation, but to the public it might have looked like Zichy shoved him, which would have happened eventually. I’ve no evidence to suggest Ignacz was there on the night of the Lohengrin riot, or attended Mahler’s classes, but he did try to fake his Drama School papers and sneaking into a theatre seems in his character.

Chapter 1

Nathan moved his family closer to the city. This occurs shortly after the prologue. He moved from “a solid barge transportation business to…high finance” (Wasserstein), and essentially playing the stock market, and lost it all. This is where we pick up, with Ignacz at Drama School, and all is not well.

Budapest Metro Line 1, still running, is the third oldest underground railway in the world, built 1894-1896. The other two were Tunel in Istanbul and City & South in London. Ignacz’s route along Andrassy Avenue has him in the direction of Hősök tere (Heroes’ Square), where there’s a monument to the men of the Hungarian Revolution of 1848. His brothers, Lajos and Sandor, share their names with the two front-men, still well thought of, so it seemed safe to assume they were named in their honour.

When writing the graphic novel script for this, it took six years to settle on a good idea for the opening page. It began with a first panel family row, and six panels devoted to Ignacz’s starry-eyed hallucination during the mugging. There’s no record to Ignacz suffering hallucinations here or any eye condition. It just fit with the new metro lights, and the star vision I had in mind. I’ve hallucinated or seen silver ball floaters attributed to Ignacz, since, oh, my teenage years. Often after I’m beset by a coughing or sneezing fit, but at times with no corresponding origin point. My earliest memory that fits how they look is from a Primary School teacher who had a box of Mercury in her room and delighted us moving about the shimmering globules. Mercury is highly dangerous and toxic. Rather than live in dread of seeing my floaters I’ve long ascribed a good luck status to these, despite being not generally superstitious.

It was important I get right the culture of theatre and opera surrounding Ignacz at that time and I selected five operas performed in 1890s Budapest and read the liberetto scripts. These were Siegfried and (as noted) Das Rheingold, Eugene Onegin; Don Giovanni, Lohengrin and Tannhauser. I used a cut-up style with about ten lines from each then paired that down to a manageable size. The arrangement was more conscious than random. Das Rheingold’s tale of greed, lust and narcissism is a good thematic fit. Lohengrin is a classic heroes tale about nobility. I should mention Ignacz’s mother, Julie, was from nobility, though it didn’t seem to do her favours when business went bad. The story of Tannhauser fit with Ignacz’s art ambitions and want to travel. Don Giovanni mixes “comedy, tragedy and drama with the supernatural”, which covers all my basis and Giovanni and Ignacz have many similarities. It was uppermost in my mind.

Lohengrin is a heroes tale of political conflict, a story closer here to Mahler than Ignacz, though maybe not in Ignacz’s mind. I was offered the chance to watch Lohengrin with a rowdy group a few weeks ago, but sadly slept in. (We have a monthly Opera Club where we watch streaming content on a large screen, mainly from the excellent Opera Platform ) Eugene Onegin, the only opera from these I’ve seen performed, has little in relevance in story to Ignacz’s tale. It’s also the least interesting tale. Stick with Don Giovanni, or Das Rheingold. I have a list of which lines came from which operas but do you really want to know?

Oh, and we also get quotes from Clerks 2 and Forrest Gump, and I was aiming to place Quantum Leap’s ‘Oh Boy!”

A Note On Wasserstein

My research for Ignacz comes from many sources. Easily the most invaluable of these is Bernard Wasserstein’s The Secret Lives of Trebitsch Lincoln, from Penguin. Wasserstein’s version is a notably excellent piece of historical autobiography, drawing on solid research and it’s a riveting read. With this, which will rightfully be called an adaptation by some, I’ll be leaving out notable details, inventing others…Wasserstein delivers context but I aim to push this further, colour it in, include unsubstantiated reports Wasserstein firmly refutes.

I’ve amassed a large image archive and I’ll be reproducing some, though it looks like Patreon requires me to make separate posts.

Over on Patreon, Chapter 24 is nearly ready: the half-way point! You can read every chapter and commentary for The Watch Thief for just $2 U.S. for 30 days through Paypal, bank account, debit or credit card.

That’ll also get you e-comics, ‘We Shall Not Be Stapled’ by myself and ‘A Hand of Fingers’ by John Robbins. If there’s a rush on, or you sign up for $5 I’ll also unlock the artblog, the photo grids, process videos, poetry and short stories.