THE BILL ARE HOSTAGES AT XMAS

(Synopsis not a review, I hate those uh-rr!)

The Bill was on last night. At first thought t’was Eastenders because black couple yelling, “That’s bullshit!” There was a big man like Dara O’ Brien sneaking around The Bill under gun seige but he turned out to be a baddy when captured by Crazy Weasel Cheese Face who shot the kid and got two guns. The Other Bill were watching on camera – Skegness Bowie and Desk Lady Face. They had lots of cameras – it was The Bill with swears. Big budget. SWAT teams. The Other Bill were watching lots of screens from their Xmas Party in a pub.
Meanwhile, Dara O’Brien kneed an officer a punch. Weasel Cheese let him go get more blue towels (Weasel Cheese loved blue towels), but Dara covered them in 3×5 litre vegetable oil and set them on fire. Then I sat down to write this plot synopsis. When I looked up, all the hostages were outside in the smoke. Leather jacketed Dara punched Weasel Cheese against a car. A car! He punched him against a car.

Next: A car is spinning, and a young un has his hands up in the air. A girl is yelling at a cop. She’s like a bad un from Eastenders, but not a Jeremy Kyle bad un; only is some.

End credits: A car driving round. Different streets. Could be a taxi? Car. Driving. A Street. Drives. Pales by comparison with THE FEET.

Don’t cross-reference this, remember it like I do.

Kick!

When I was preparing for the Belfast Comics Fayre last year I put together three issues of a comic. It was modelled on Willie Hewes’ Goth Boy –  one sheet of paper becoming 16 pages. My usual mistakes: too much detail, and printed on poor stock.

Oddly, Kick! works brilliantly as a digital comic, and so I’m pleased to offer the first three issues as PDF files. And I think some of you will get quite a rise out of the contents.

(Despite the colour cover below, these pieces are black and white)

kICK 1 COVER

KICK #1

CONTENTS as above, including, “The A-Team” (reprint), “Cobra Commander Says” and “Allergy“.

BUY IT NOW 25p/38c

KICK #2   – BUY IT NOW 25p/38c

Includes “The Bill Have A Gun Siege At Xmas“, “The Youth of 2042“, and “Sounds Round Ere

KICK #3 – BUY IT NOW 25P/38c

With Automan (reprint), Transformers at Glastonbury, Morrissey watches Irish Corrie, Noam Chomsky’s Cardigan, and Jessica Fletcher Is Innocent!

Sorry, there’s no option for all three. When you’ve made the Paypal payments, you’ll be taken through to the PDF were you can “Save as”. They’re small 2-3MB files, but this is some good work. I even inked it.

Reviewers can get in touch for a freebie.